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I think that every time I go to a party I end up getting sick because alcohol doesn't allow me to get drunk, it does the opposite, which I am so thankful for, but at the same time I always have something I have realized during that party. In my last Blog post, I mentioned that I had a 'Token night', which we were (the whole 3 classes) going to celebrate somewhere else, just 10-15min outside of our city. We drove home after the event to change, to have something to eat and then we were going to drive up to everyone else. It was not as fun at the beginning because everyone was sitting, drinking, listening to music for about 20minutes I would say. Then after the alcohol hit in, they started dancing and having a great time. My friends and I joined. We had champagne with us, so we drank that, and for me alcohol does never hit in, if it does, then I get anxious and start to throw up, but that is in the case if I am drinking something strong like scotch, whiskey or vodka, but not neat, with something of course. After the champagne was gone, other people made us 'Screwdriver' (vodka + orange juice), and we started to dance. 1 hour in and everyone was laughing, dancing, singing/yelling to songs, relaxing. It was the best night I have had. That was also the night I tried a cigarette. I am not proud of it, neither I have an addiction, I don't want it anymore, I rather just stick to the water pipe or the electric non-nicotine cigarette. I am not proud of why I drank and why I smoke. The reasons are two and they are so human but so lame. I wanted to fit in, to not get the 'side eye' from everyone else, not get judged, which I hate. I am so waiting to go to University and find a group who actually will like me for who I am, as a girl who likes Martini more than any other alcoholic drink, who won't get judged if I don't want to drink anything at a party. This group doesn't include my friends, they are amazing, but sometimes I can't even be me with them. Another reason is my old crush, I wanted to impress him, which is not ok because, first of all - he has a girlfriend, which I am so happy about because he is happy, I can see that in his face. And second - I don't need to prove myself to a guy. Don't get me wrong, I still like him as a person, he is not my crush anymore, but we have a better relationship that we had before because we do share a secret. This whole mess has made me better, has made me realize that I don't need alcohol to have fun, I don't need to prove myself to anyone but me, don't have to impress myself to others that don't even deserve it. I will find someone who will love me for me. I will find a group in my University who will like me for me, it just will take time. I just have to start with not caring what other think, which will be hard, but totally worth it.