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This is nothing to do with crimes or anything like that nor it is my confession/s about something/s, but it is just me saying what I have been afraid to say.
I have anxiety, which I have wrote about in MY DIARY blog, but I'll post it here too - ' I have anxiety. I have had it since summer of 2016. A person can't suddenly have anxiety, it can't just appear out of the blue, but it can get noticeable, like in my case. I posted a blog post last July where I explained that I had depression and anxiety. Depression in a very small portion comparing to what others have. Anxiety had stopped, or at least I didn't notice it as much until it was the start of the 12th grade. I think I posted a story about this too, I just don't remember when exactly. I got so nervous, anxious and scared about a task in politics that my hands started to shake while my heart started racing like it never had before. I thought that it was just stress, but recently I have noticed that I get upset over the dumbest things. I care so much what other people think that I live in a constant fear. Constant fear of failure, not being good enough, trying my best at fitting in even if I don't realize it. Anxiety keeps my mind racing on small things that aren't even a big deal. I get anxious over small things, but I get even more worried, scared over big things. It is a constant battle between me and my mind because I care so much. It is not something I can make to go away, but it is something I can work on. I will try. It has stopped my life and made it miserable for more than a month in the past, I will not let it ruin any more of my blessed and wonderful life. Not for more than a day! '.
I am scared of failure, but I have been trying so hard not to let myself feel bad if I do make a mistake. I am human, mistakes make me human. Although, the best goal I have reached is - yes, I make mistakes, but not the same ones repeatedly. That is what counts the most. One of the most important things is to forgive yourself. Yes, you have made a mistake, so at the end of the day you have to realize that there is nothing you can to to change what has been done - you learn, you make a mistake, you learn, you grow, you become you. So, forgive yourself, because mistakes makes a person even if sometimes we don't want to admit it.
I am scared of getting judged, so I have been trying not to let it affect me. Even if I say my opinion, I am frightened of getting judged. All the time. This has expanded my anxiety - stressing about problems that aren't even there, so eventually I make these problems up from nothing. This is what hurts the most. Because of this I do live in a constant fear of being judged because I have some other opinion. I will learn, I understand, that I have to not be afraid to say what I think, I have to learn to say 'no'. I want to study a profession that needs people who can defend and back up their thoughts, who are NOT afraid of expressing them. I know I'll get to that point just maybe a little bit slower than everybody else.
But above all that I do learn... a LOT. About people, me, my surroundings, my class, my teachers, my goals, my character, everything. Sometimes it hurts to get that but it is so worth it. Every mistake leads me to better choices for myself in the future. That is what I know and have to accept, I will, it just takes time.