The thoughts through my head...

I don’t even know where to start, actually….I think i’ll start with the obvious-John. I have told a story where i tell that i like him, i move on from him and i am in love with him. It’s so twisted that one guy can stir so many feelings inside of me, but at the same time it’s nice and comfortable. I was telling Lilly that i am in love with him and i love these feelings, but at the same time it is literally beating me up inside. As school is slowly ending, i have more time to focus on anything but school, and i just feel like the only thing i focus on, is John and my feelings for him. Ally keeps convincing me that i should write a long *ss message about my feelings including 2 questions-Does he still have feelings for me? and Do i wait for him or move on? . I don’t know what to do…I feel like, if me and John do end up together, then these 2 months have been a test to see, if past any difficulties we can still find a way to each other. I hope we do, because it would be the best thing that’ll ever happen to me. I just don’t want to be clingy, but i have to know about his feelings for me, because he does make me confident and he does make me feel like i can concur anything-We had a paper presenting thing at school and i was super nervous, like i was shaking, everything was shaking. And he was the first one who presented, and he was so confident and sure of what he had said, that suddenly i realised that i am not scared or nervous anymore. I knew this thing and i was going to do it. And i did. That is the moment i realised that he brings out the best in me and brings out the confidence i need. He doesn’t know that, and if he’d know, he’d laugh. I am just so in love with him ,that by not knowing how he feels, i get scared that i might fall for him too much and loose him at the end…

I am becoming more confident in myself. One reason is because of John and how he makes me strong, but the other reason is-i want to live for myself. I don’t have to worry everyday by thinking-do they like me? Do i look good? This, that… I don’t care anymore. I love my body and i just hope every girl may feel this way, because it is truly impowering. You don’t need to worry about what others think, but what you do need is believe in yourself. And know that you are unique and that is who you are!